I need to feel needed. And I want to feel wanted. Cliche? Yes, but it's how I feel.
I overreact. And I'm also great at hiding my true feelings. I bottle them up inside until even the smallest little thing will make me explode. The last week has been draining and depressing. From being snowed in, I acquired cabin fever quickly.
I want to cry. I have cried. I don't understand why I overreact, I just... do.
I can't stand myself and wonder how anyone else could. People seem to walk out when I need them the most, as well.
I've been avoided and I notice it. It grows bigger and bigger every day, and I want to explode.
Yesterday, I had my birthday. I am now 3 years away from eloping with my best friend. So go me, I guess. 'Twas the worst birthday of my young life so far. I've felt more and more depressed with each coming day. I try to control it, but it overpowers me. Sometimes I'll have these random feelings of happiness and joy and then the next I feel like I've hit the ground. The only good thing about my 'depression' you could call it is the fact that the art I make is now kind of nice. Whenever I feel depressed, I apply my pencil to some paper and I start drawing or writing. The pencil marks will flow out of me with no end, it seems. Afterwards, I feel relieved enough to bear the pain. It's cathartic in a way. So, I shall keep on writing and keep on drawing and keep on painting and keep on creating.
Anyways, I have good news and bad news. Good news is, I now have a boyfriend whom I dearly admire. This is my first real boyfriend. AND I GET TO SEE HIM THIS WEEKEND YAY.
Bad news. I found a lump in my breast and it's scaring the shit out of me. My mom said we're going to go get it checked out soon, but it still doesn't make me feel any better. If you pray, then PLEASE I BEG OF YOU THAT YOU PRAY FOR ME. PLEASE.
Sorry for the lack of blogs over the past few weeks... Not like anyone is reading them.
The past few weeks of my life have been relatively boring, in fact. Basically meaning nothing has happened. I've been feeling very lazy and have been slacking off in school. Hey, at least I still have my 4.0 in art. I fail to fail classes though, thank GOD.
In order to keep this blog above the average line of boring, I've decided to show you my favorite music albums by various artists.